Having a Hard Time Trusting People After Narcissistic Abuse?

At Inward Healing Therapy, we support people who’ve been in unhealthy relationships that left them feeling lost, insecure, and doubting their judgment.

You may have asked yourself:

“How could I have possibly missed these red flags?”

Here’s the truth: manipulative and abusive people are very good at hiding their intentions. They study others, sometimes even studying you, to learn your likes, dislikes, and values. Then, they mimic those traits to build trust.

We help people heal from narcissistic abuse. Many of the clients we work with were raised by one or more manipulative or narcissistic parents. If you know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), you know that being in close proximity to it is traumatic. I’ve helped clients heal from years of this abuse and reclaim their sense of self.

And yet, one common question always comes up:

“How do I trust people again?”
“How do I know I’m not being love-bombed?”
“How do I know someone means what they say and won’t hurt me?”

Let’s start by exploring what narcissistic traits can look like.

Signs and Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The DSM-5 lists nine possible symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. To receive a diagnosis, at least five symptoms must be present, and they must cause distress or impairment.

Grandiose sense of self-importance – exaggerates achievements, expects recognition without merit.
Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or ideal love.
Belief in being “special” or unique, understood only by high-status people.
Need for excessive admiration – constant validation and praise.
Sense of entitlement – unreasonable expectations of special treatment.
Interpersonally exploitative – which means they take advantage of others for personal gain.
Lack of empathy – unwilling or unable to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
Envy of others or the belief that others envy them.
Arrogant or haughty behaviors – they act superior, dismissive, or condescending.

Not everyone who shows these traits has NPD. Some people may simply be self-absorbed or entitled without meeting diagnostic criteria.

“Want to dig deeper? Read The Narcissist Checklist: Is Someone in Your Life Playing You? to spot the warning signs and protect yourself from toxic patterns.”

Types of Narcissism

1. Grandiose (Overt) Narcissism

What most people picture when they hear “narcissist.”
Traits: Arrogant, attention-seeking, entitled, dominant.
Outwardly confident, talks about achievements, expects admiration.

Often seen in leadership roles, but struggles with empathy and relationships.

2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism

Less obvious, sometimes called “closet” narcissism.
Traits: Hypersensitive, defensive, withdrawn, easily hurt by criticism.
Appears shy or self-effacing but internally feels entitled or superior.
May play the victim role to gain attention or sympathy.

3. Malignant Narcissism

Considered the most destructive form.
Traits: Combines narcissism with antisocial, paranoid, and sadistic features.
Lacks empathy, manipulative, hostile, and can enjoy harming or exploiting others.
Sometimes overlaps with sociopathy/psychopathy.

4. Communal Narcissism

Traits: Gains self-worth through being seen as especially generous, helpful, or morally superior.
Example: Someone who boasts about how much they give back, how kind they are, or how they are the “best” friend/parent/helper.
Still driven by validation and admiration, but through “altruistic” means.

Common Narcissistic Behaviors

Interpersonal Behaviors

Gaslighting – Denying your reality or making you question your memory, feelings, or perceptions. For example, they might make statements like, “I never said that.” “I never did that.” “You’re imagining things or making things up.”
Love bombing – Over-the-top affection and attention early on, then pulling away once control is established. They know that once they get you to trust them, you are less likely to question their behavior, and then the abuse slowly starts.
Triangulation – Putting people against each other or bringing in third parties to maintain control or stir jealousy.
Silent treatment – Withdrawing communication as punishment.
Projection – Accusing others of the very flaws or behaviors they’re guilty of.

Manipulation & Control

Exploiting others – Using people’s kindness, resources, or vulnerabilities for personal gain.
Shifting blame – Rarely taking responsibility; instead, blaming others when things go wrong.
Moving goalposts – Constantly changing expectations so nothing is ever “enough.”
Hoovering – Trying to suck someone back into a relationship after distance or a breakup (with promises, guilt, or threats).

Self-Image Behaviors

Exaggerating achievements – Inflating accomplishments to appear superior.
Constant need for admiration – Fishing for compliments or validation.
Envy and comparison – Either feeling jealous of others or assuming others envy them.
Arrogance and superiority – Acting dismissive, condescending, or “above” others.

Relationship Patterns

Idealization and devaluation cycle – Putting someone on a pedestal (idealizing) and then tearing them down (devaluing).
Conditional affection – Love and approval are given only when you meet their expectations.
Boundary violations – Ignoring or disrespecting personal limits (emotional, physical, or financial).
Discarding – Abruptly ending relationships when the person is no longer useful or admiring them.

At first, it may feel like you’ve met the love of your life — only to later find yourself questioning your reality, your worth, and your judgment.

Now, imagine being raised by a narcissistic parent. As a child, you depended on them to guide and protect you. Instead, you were met with criticism, manipulation, and self-doubt. That kind of conditioning wires your nervous system to confuse familiarity with safety. And often, what feels familiar ends up being toxic.

It’s no wonder so many survivors of narcissistic abuse ask: “How do I ever trust again?”

“For more insights, read How Narcissistic Parents Affect Mental Health in Children to understand how early experiences shape self-worth and emotional well-being.”

How to Repel Narcissists

Healing starts with reclaiming your power. If you think you might be in contact with an abusive person or a narcissist, here are behaviors that repel them.

Strengthen Your Boundaries – say “no” without over-explaining.

Stop Feeding Their Ego – don’t give them emotional “supply.”
Don’t Overshare – protect personal details.
Detach Emotionally – use the “gray rock” method: be dull, calm, and unreactive around them.
Challenge with Calm Confidence – stand firm without aggression.
Refuse to Play Their Games – don’t chase, defend, or compete.
Surround Yourself with Healthy People – build support systems.
Trust Actions Over Words – look at consistent behavior, not promises.
Be Willing to Walk Away – your greatest power is knowing you can leave.

“Looking for more guidance? Read The Do’s and Don’ts of Encountering Your Narcissistic Ex to learn practical strategies for handling difficult interactions.”

What Healthy Relationships Look Like

Healing isn’t just about repelling toxic people; it’s also about learning what a healthy connection looks like and feels like.

In Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, emotionally mature people are described as:

Traits of Emotionally Mature People

1. They’re Realistic and Reliable

They don’t promise the impossible or overcommit. Their words match their actions. If they say they’ll call, show up, or help — they actually do. This builds trust over time.

2. They Work with Reality Rather than Fighting It

Instead of denying, avoiding, or twisting the truth, they deal with things as they are. If there’s a problem, they look for solutions instead of blaming or pretending it doesn’t exist.

3. They Can Feel and Think at the Same Time

They don’t let emotions completely take over their logic. Even when upset, they can pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully rather than just reacting impulsively.

4. Their Consistency Makes Them Reliable

They’re steady in how they treat you. You don’t have to guess which “version” of them you’ll get each day. Their moods may shift, but they don’t take it out on others.

5. They Don’t Take Everything Personally

They don’t interpret neutral comments or mistakes as personal attacks. They understand that not everything is about them, which keeps communication safe and open.

6. They’re Respectful and Reciprocal

They value fairness and mutual exchange in relationships. They don’t just take — they give back. Conversations and efforts feel balanced rather than one-sided.

7. They Respect Your Boundaries

When you say “no” or set a limit, they don’t guilt, shame, or push you. Instead, they honor your autonomy while still caring for the relationship.

8. They’re Even-Tempered

They can feel big emotions without exploding or collapsing. Disagreements don’t instantly escalate into yelling, sulking, or revenge — they stay grounded.

9. They Are Willing to Be Influenced

They listen to others’ perspectives and are open to changing their mind. They don’t see compromise as “losing” but as part of caring about the relationship.

10. They’re Truthful

Honesty is a core value. They don’t lie to protect their ego, avoid consequences, or manipulate others. They speak plainly and transparently.

11. They Apologize and Make Amends

When they make a mistake, they own it. They don’t just say “sorry” — they also try to fix the harm and show through action that they’ve learned.

12. They’re Responsive

They don’t ignore or dismiss when you reach out. They engage with your needs and feelings, even if they can’t give exactly what you want.

13. Their Empathy Makes You Feel Safe

They can tune into what you’re feeling and show genuine concern. Being with them helps you feel seen and not alone.

14. They Make You Feel Safe and Understood

They listen without judgment, so you don’t feel like you have to hide parts of yourself. This creates trust and emotional intimacy.

15. They Like to Comfort and Be Comforted

They give comfort freely and also allow themselves to receive it. This balance makes closeness feel natural and mutual.

16. They Reflect on Their Actions and Try to Change

They’re self-aware. When something goes wrong, they consider their own role instead of always blaming others. They take steps toward growth.

17. They Can Laugh and Be Playful

They enjoy lightness, humor, and fun without it being cruel or at someone else’s expense. Playfulness feels connected, not mocking.

18. They’re Enjoyable to Be Around

They bring a sense of ease, warmth, and stability into relationships. You feel better, not drained, after spending time with them.

Final Thoughts

Learning to trust again takes time, patience, and support. It means advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, and observing how people respond. Healthy love feels steady, safe, and mutual — not confusing or chaotic.

And you don’t have to navigate this alone. With the right guidance, you can heal from narcissistic abuse, learn to spot red flags early, and open yourself up to the kind of relationships you deserve.

💜 If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out. Let’s talk about where you are in your healing journey and how therapy can support you. Schedule your free 20-minute consultation call today — your healing starts here.