What Is Childhood Trauma and How to Know If You Have It

Have you ever wondered why certain situations trigger such big reactions in you, like feeling rejected when someone cancels plans, or constantly worrying if you’re good enough? Sometimes, the roots of these feelings trace back to childhood trauma. Even if you don’t remember anything “big” happening, your nervous system and emotional patterns may still carry the impact of early experiences.

Understanding childhood trauma is the first step toward healing it. In this blog, we’ll explore what childhood trauma is, how it can show up in adulthood, and ways to start recognizing if it might be affecting you.

What Is Childhood Trauma?

Childhood trauma happens when painful experiences in your early years overwhelm your ability to cope. Because children’s brains and nervous systems are still developing, they are especially sensitive to stress, neglect, or unsafe environments.

Trauma doesn’t always look like obvious abuse. It can be subtle and invisible from the outside. Here are some common forms:

Abuse: Emotional, physical, or sexual harm.
Narcissistic abuse: involves patterns of control, gaslighting (making you doubt your reality), criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Neglect: Not having emotional or physical needs consistently met.
Unstable environments: Growing up around domestic violence, addiction, untreated mental illness, or being raised by emotionally immature parents.
Loss or abandonment: Divorce, separation, or the death of a parent.
Emotional unavailability: Caregivers who were physically present but emotionally distant.

The key thing to remember: trauma isn’t just what happened to you, it’s also how it made you feel inside and how your body learned to adapt to survive.

Research shows that even when a child goes through painful experiences, such as bullying, having a safe adult who provides emotional support can prevent those experiences from becoming traumatic.

“For a deeper look, check out our blog on how narcissistic parents impact children’s mental health.“

Signs You Might Have Childhood Trauma as an Adult

Many adults don’t realize their struggles are connected to childhood trauma. You might not think of your childhood as “traumatic,” but the patterns you live with today may tell a deeper story. A common part of coping is denying or minimizing what you went through. The first step in healing is moving past that denial.

Emotional Signs

Chronic feelings of shame or unworthiness
Fear of abandonment or rejection
Difficulty trusting others or yourself (always questioning people’s motives)

Behavioral Patterns

People-pleasing or needing to earn love through achievement
Avoiding closeness to protect yourself from hurt
Self-sabotaging relationships or opportunities

Physical Symptoms

Anxiety, depression, or chronic stress
Trouble sleeping, headaches, or stomach issues without a clear medical cause
Feeling constantly “on edge” or unsafe

Thought Patterns

“I’m not good enough.”
“Everyone leaves me.”
“If I’m not perfect, I won’t be loved.”

Insecure Attachement in Relationships

Anxious: Fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance.
Avoidant: Fear of emotional intimacy, leading to pulling away.
Disorganized: Wanting closeness but not trusting it.

Risky Behaviors

Substance use and addiction.
Promiscuity
Self-harm
Reckless behavior (e.g., drinking and driving, fighting)

If you notice yourself relating to several of these, it may be a sign that unhealed childhood trauma is showing up in your adult life.

Why Many People Don’t Realize They Have Childhood Trauma

One of the reasons trauma is so tricky is that it often hides in plain sight.

Normalizing dysfunction: You might think, “That’s just how my family was.”
Minimizing experiences: Comparing yourself to others, “Other people had it worse, so mine doesn’t count.”
Overcompensating: Becoming highly successful or independent, while secretly struggling with loneliness or low self-worth.
Subconscious memory: Trauma often lives in the body, emotions, and automatic reactions rather than clear memories.

This is why someone can look like they “have it all together” while silently carrying wounds from the past.

How to Begin Recognizing and Healing Childhood Trauma

Acknowledging trauma isn’t about blaming your caregivers, it’s about understanding yourself so you can move forward.

Here are some ways to start:

Self-reflection questions:
- Do my reactions feel bigger than the situation?
- Do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?
- When I think about my past, what thoughts or body sensations come up?
Journaling: Writing can help you connect the dots between past experiences and current struggles.
Therapy: Trauma-informed therapy (like Brainspotting, IFS, somatic therapy, or inner child work) helps process experiences stored in the nervous system.
Safe relationships: Surround yourself with people who are consistent, supportive, and emotionally safe.
Breathwork: Can be a gentle entry point for releasing stored trauma in the body.
Plant Medicine: Under professional guidance, approaches such as ketamine-assisted therapy (KAP), psilocybin, or MDMA journeys may help move through deep blockages.

You can also book a free 15-minute consultation to see if therapy is the right fit for you.

Closing Thoughts

If you recognize yourself in these signs, remember: having childhood trauma doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you went through something hard, and your body and mind adapted to protect you. Healing is not only possible, it can open the door to deeper self-acceptance, healthier relationships, and the freedom to create the life you want.

You don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can provide the safe, supportive space needed to process old wounds and learn new skills for healing.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to take the next step, whether that’s journaling, reaching out to a trusted friend, or connecting with a therapist who understands childhood trauma.